【男目線】男性にデリカシーなくて女性にはある理由 女性は、指摘されないだけ?


男の口から発せられたデリカシーのない発言に、女性が「信じられない!」と怒る。今日もどこかで繰り広げられているお馴染みの光景です。しかし、女性から"デリカシーがない生き物"とされている男たちが心の中で叫びたいのは、「それは男が女のデリカシーについて言わないだけだよ!」ということです。

まず、女性の意見はどんなものなのかというと、女性限定匿名掲示板『GIRL'S TALK』で、デリカシーのない彼氏を持つ女性の悩みが人気を集めていたので、そちらを紹介します。


女性の彼氏は、初めてのデートでバッチリメイクした時に「作ってるねー」と言ったり、扇子で扇いであげた時に「二の腕ぷるぷるしてる」とからかったり、黒いネイルをしてみた時に「内出血みたいに見えるけど大丈夫?」と指摘してきたりするようなデリカシー欠如人間だそう。

女性は彼氏に、「デリカシーないことを言わないようにして貰いたい」そうですが、彼氏の年齢は30歳ということで、「今さら言っても...」と諦め方向の気持ちになっているようです。

この女性の悩みに、「私も同じような経験をした!」という内容の共感コメントが多く寄せられ、男たちのデリカシーのなさに女性ユーザーたちが嘆いている様子が見られます。

確かに、初デートでバッチリメイクした女性に「作ってるねー」はデリカシーなさすぎですね。何故この後交際するまでに発展できたのか疑問に思ってしまうほどのダメ発言だと思います。しかし、多くの女性が「ありえない!」「信じられない!」と愚痴っている男の"デリカシーがない"とされている発言は、実は男たちが日々女性から言われていることだったりするのです。

筆者の学生時代、こんなことがありました。サークルのラウンジに行くと、同期の女子たちが「あの人ありえない。デリカシーなさすぎ!」と、ある男子の先輩の悪口を言っている。聞くと、その先輩はひとりの女子に、「あれ、ちょっと太った? 二の腕いい感じになってるね」と言ったそうです。その発言が女子グループの逆鱗に触れ、「ありえない!」に繋がっていました。

しかし、この出来事の数日前、筆者はその女子たちから以下のようなことを言われていました。

「最近太ったのに、それ着てると余計着ぶくれして見えるよ」
「確かに、その素材はデブって見える」
「まず痩せなよ。応援するからさ!」

これらは、筆者が買ったばかりのダウンベストを着てラウンジに行った際に言われた言葉です。そのダウンベストは、筆者にとって初めてのダウンベスト。洋服屋で一目惚れし、少ないバイトの給料をはたいて買ったものでした。自分としては、「似合う! これはおれ、"ベストダウンベスティスト"になっちゃうなぁ」と高い自己評価を下していたのですが、女子たちからは上記のような酷評。

しかし、もしこれらの発言に対して、「ちょっとデリカシーないんじゃない? おれ太ってること気にしてるんだけど...」と反論したとしましょう。すると、女性にとって殿下の宝刀であるあの言葉が出てくるのです。その言葉とは、「え、怒ってんの? 男のくせに小さくない?」というものです。

小さい...。これを言われると、男は何も言えなくなるんですね。そしてさらには、「なんか怒ってるけど、太ったのは事実じゃん。本当のこと言われてムカついちゃってんの?」なんてことを言われることすらあります。女性の皆さん、「私はそんなこと言わない。そんなん言う女、少数でしょ!」と思われることなかれ。これは、男にとっては"あるある"です。

つまり男は、女性からどんなにデリカシーがないことを言われたところで、デリカシーのなさを指摘することができないというわけです。だからこそ、女性は自分たちが同じようなことをしていても、そのデリカシーのなさに気付けない。

ただし、そのことについて男を代表して責めている、というわけではありません。男はそのような状況に慣れ切ってしまっているので、自分の中での"傷つくハードル"が高くなっているのです。「太ったね」と言われたくらいでは、まずムカつきません。よって、それを女性に言ってもそこまで気に障るとは思えないようになってしまっています。悪気はない、というのは本当なのです。

なので、あまり男のちょっとした発言には目くじらを立てないことをオススメします。男は、女性の繊細な気持ちを理解することはできません...。ごめんなさい...。

【参照リンク】
GIRL'S TALK
http://www.ca-girlstalk.jp/

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Puffin

SEAHOUSES, ENGLAND - JUNE 24:  A Puffin returns to it's nest on a cliff top on June 24, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. The Farne Islands, which are run by the National Trust, are situated two to three miles off the Northumberland coastline. The archipeligo of 16-28 separate islands (depending on the tide) make the summer home to approximately 100,000 pairs of breeding seabirds including around 36,000 Puffins, 32,000 Guillemots and 2,000 pairs of Arctic Terns. The species of birds which nest in internationally important numbers include Shag, Sandwich Tern and Arctic Tern. The coastline around The Farnes are also the breeding ground to one of Europe's largest Grey Seal colonies with around 4,000 adults giving birth to 1500 pups every year.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin flaps its wings on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin watches from the cliff tops on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin watches from the cliff tops on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin watches from the cliff tops on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin watches from the cliff tops on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin enters a burrow holding sandeels in its beak to feed its cheeks on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin watches from the cliff tops on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin prepares to enter a burrow holding sandeels in its beak to feed its chicks on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SKOMER ISLAND, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 20:  An adult Puffin prepares to enter a burrow holding sandeels in its beak to feed its chicks on Skomer Island on July 20, 2010 in Pembrokeshire, Wales. The island which has the biggest Puffin colony in Southern Britain plays host to over 10,000 Puffins, who come from April to the end of July to breed. The small island, off the coast of southwest Wales and managed by the Wildlife Trust of South and West Wales, is one of the most important and accessible seabird breeding sites in Europe and has become a Mecca for wildlife and bird lovers. As well as the Puffins the island is also home to a large breeding seabird population, including Manx Shearwaters, Guillemots, and Razorbills as well as birds of prey including Owls, Kestrels and Falcons. As a result Skomer is a National Nature Reserve, a Site of Special Scientific Interest and a Special Protection Area. Much of Skomer has also been designated an Ancient Monument and it is also surrounded by a Marine Nature Reserve.

SEAHOUSES, ENGLAND - JUNE 25:  A Puffin returns to it's nest with a beak full of sand eels on June 25, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. The Farne Islands, which are run by the National Trust, are situated two to three miles off the Northumberland coastline. The archipeligo of 16-28 separate islands (depending on the tide) make the summer home to approximately 100,000 pairs of breeding seabirds including around 36,000 Puffins, 32,000 Guillemots and 2,000 pairs of Arctic Terns. The species of birds which nest in internationally important numbers include Shag, Sandwich Tern and Arctic Tern. The coastline around The Farnes are also the breeding ground to one of Europe's largest Grey Seal colonies with around 4,000 adults giving birth to 1500 pups every year.

SEAHOUSES, ENGLAND - JUNE 24:  A Puffin stands near it's burrow on a cliff top on June 24, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. The Farne Islands, which are run by the National Trust, are situated two to three miles off the Northumberland coastline. The archipeligo of 16-28 separate islands (depending on the tide) make the summer home to approximately 100,000 pairs of breeding seabirds including around 36,000 Puffins, 32,000 Guillemots and 2,000 pairs of Arctic Terns. The species of birds which nest in internationally important numbers include Shag, Sandwich Tern and Arctic Tern. The coastline around The Farnes are also the breeding ground to one of Europe's largest Grey Seal colonies with around 4,000 adults giving birth to 1500 pups every year.

SEAHOUSES, ENGLAND - JUNE 24:  A Puffin stands on a cliff top on June 24, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. The Farne Islands, which are run by the National Trust, are situated two to three miles off the Northumberland coastline. The archipeligo of 16-28 separate islands (depending on the tide) make the summer home to approximately 100,000 pairs of breeding seabirds including around 36,000 Puffins, 32,000 Guillemots and 2,000 pairs of Arctic Terns. The species of birds which nest in internationally important numbers include Shag, Sandwich Tern and Arctic Tern. The coastline around The Farnes are also the breeding ground to one of Europe's largest Grey Seal colonies with around 4,000 adults giving birth to 1500 pups every year.

SEAHOUSES, ENGLAND - JUNE 24:  Puffins stands on a cliff top on June 24, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. The Farne Islands, which are run by the National Trust, are situated two to three miles off the Northumberland coastline. The archipeligo of 16-28 separate islands (depending on the tide) make the summer home to approximately 100,000 pairs of breeding seabirds including around 36,000 Puffins, 32,000 Guillemots and 2,000 pairs of Arctic Terns. The species of birds which nest in internationally important numbers include Shag, Sandwich Tern and Arctic Tern. The coastline around The Farnes are also the breeding ground to one of Europe's largest Grey Seal colonies with around 4,000 adults giving birth to 1500 pups every year.

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