【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!


売れない役者はたいてい腹をすかせている。別に何かの比喩などではなく、単純に腹が減っているのだった。ここ三日ほど具のないパスタぐらいしか食べていない。腹の虫は恨めしそうにぼくに鳴くが、泣きたいのはぼくも一緒だ。もう夜も深い。酒でもかっくらい、酔っぱらって寝てしまおうと思い立ったそのとき、ふとテレビの画面が目に入った。

それは焼酎のコマーシャルだった。一人の美女が、カメラ目線で「間接キッスしてみ?」と囁いている。女優だな、と思った。単純にうまい。目線の動かし方、笑いをこらえる芝居、観てるこっちがドキッとしてしまう名演技だ。

さとみ。彼女とぼく、相沢直は、幼稚園からの腐れ縁だ。お遊戯会のお芝居で「共演」したこともある。何だかんだあって、お互い役者の道を志すことになったのだが、だいぶ差がついてしまったのは否めない。昔はこの、6畳のワンルームで、将来の夢を語り合ったこともあったなあなんて、思い出すとまた泣きたくなる。今夜は涙酒か。キッチンに並んだ焼酎の瓶を手に取ろうとしたそのとき、玄関のチャイムが鳴った。

こんな時間に? 恐る恐る、ドアスコープから外をのぞいてみる。
そこには一人の女優が立っていた。右手には焼酎の瓶を持ち、左手にはコンビニの袋を下げている。ついさっき「間接キッスしてみ?」と、ぼくに囁きかけていた彼女がそこにいた。

(※注)
本記事は個人の妄想を勝手に書き連ねたものであり、以下の写真は本文の内容とは一切関係ありません。


一杯目は久しぶりの再会に乾杯し、二杯目は何はともあれお互いが元気でいることに乾杯し、三杯目からは何に乾杯したかも覚えていない。さとみもぼくも、もう既にだいぶ出来上がっていた。さとみは自分が買ってきたコンビニのおでんを、おいしそうに食べている。こういうところは、昔とまるで変わらないのだった。
さとみがアツアツのじゃがいもを口に入れて、ぼくは何の気なしに尋ねる。

「にしても、さとみ、今日何しに来たの?」
「へ? はほへ。ふはひほ、ほうへん」
「いや、全然何言ってるか分かんない」
さとみは口を開けて、パタパタと手のひらでじゃがいもを冷まして、
「舞台の、応援。こんど直、舞台やるんでしょ? ブログで読んだよ」
「え? ああ、そらどうも、ありがとう......」

確かに、来月ぼくは舞台を控えていた。売れない役者にも、立つ板はあるのだ、たまには。だけどそんなことを、さとみが知っているとは思わず、ちょっと虚を突かれた。

「おっ。台本発見」
目ざとく舞台の台本を見つけたさとみは、ページを開き、パラパラと読み始める。
「おい。ちょっと、勝手に......」
と、言いかけて、口をつぐんだ。さっきまで酔っぱらって笑っていたさとみが、急に真面目な、プロの女優の顔になっていたから。彼女が台本を読み進める横顔を見つめながら、ぼくは黙って、杯を傾けていた。

最後のページまで読み終わったさとみは、台本を閉じて、ぼくに言う。
「ラブシーンなんてあるんだ。直のくせに、ナマイキぃ」
「はあ? 何だよその言い草。俺だって、ラブシーンぐらい出来るよ」
「そうかなあ? 直、恋愛経験乏しいからなぁ。リアルなお芝居できますかねえ?」

ちょっと、いらっときた。彼女の女優としての才能を認めてるからこその嫉妬もあって。思わずぼくはさとみに反論していた。

「そんなん、恋愛経験なくたって、恋愛のお芝居は出来るだろうが」
「どうかなあ? 好きな人がいないと、愛の告白のお芝居なんて出来ないと思うけど」
「じゃあ、さとみの、あのCMはどうなんだよ。『間接キッスしてみ?』って言ってるとき、好きな誰かのこと思い浮かべたりしてるわけ?」

一瞬、間があった。何だこの空気。突然の緊張感。さとみがすねたように口を開く。

「別に、良いじゃん。好きな人のこと、思い浮かべたって」
「......いや、まあ、そらもちろん、悪いことはないけども......」

再び、二人はしばらく無言で見つめ合う。沈黙を破ったのは、今度もまた、さとみのほうだった。

「......直のこと、思い浮かべてた」

ぼくは何も言えない。昔から、アドリブに弱いのだ。役者として売れない原因の一つだと自覚もしている。そしてさとみは、言葉を続けた。

「......間接キスじゃなくて、ホントのキスする?」

さとみの表情は、恥ずかし気で、でも真剣そのもので、だけどぼくは、幼稚園からの幼なじみの彼女からそんな急な告白を受けて、何も言えず、何も動けず、そんな気まずい沈黙を破ったのは、さとみの笑い声だった。

「プッ! クククッ! ちょっと直、なに本気にしてんのぉ? お芝居、お芝居!」
「......はぁ?」
「これぐらい、真に迫った演技が出来ないとね! ちょっと、ドキドキしちゃったでしょ?」

さすがは、大女優さんだ。怒る気にもなれなかった。照れくささをごまかすように、ぼくも笑う。
「バーカ。俺も芝居だって分かってたわ! ったくよぉ。......ちょっと、トイレ行ってくる」

トイレに立ち、顔を洗う。何度も、何度も。ちょっとだけでも期待してしまった自分を、冷たい水で洗い流す。これは失恋じゃない。これはただの、お芝居だ。
居間に戻ると、さとみは眠っていた。勝手なやつ。風邪をひかれても困るから、寝室から持ってきた布団をそっとかける。

「......さとみ。電気消すぞ」

返事はない。可愛らしい寝息を立てている。電気を消そうとしたそのとき、寝ぼけたような声が聞こえた。

「直......ホントに好きだよ......」

またかよ。さすがにしつこい。

「おいさとみ、いい加減に......」

向こうに顔をやっているさとみは、まだ寝息を立てている。マジか。これはもしかして、寝言でうっかり本音を言っちゃうっていう、あのベタなパターンのやつ? そんなまさか。

「おい、さとみ」

返事はない。寝息が聞こえる。そっと近づき、顔をのぞいてみる。目はつぶっている。口も閉じている。不自然すぎるほど、ギュッと、強く。恥ずかしそうな表情で、それでも彼女は、必死に眠ったふりを続けようとしていた。

「さとみ......お前、眠る芝居、下手だな」

さとみは、諦めたように目を開ける。潤んだ瞳でぼくを見つめ、悔しそうに言う。

「......こんなに好きな人が相手で......お芝居なんて出来るわけないじゃん......!」

さとみは再び目を閉じる。キスする?なんて台詞もなくて。ぼくも何も言わなくて。二人が思ってることは一緒だったから、そこに言葉は必要なかった。

グラスに入った氷が溶けて、カランと音を立てた。お芝居じゃない、さとみとぼくの本当のストーリーが、クランクインしたことを告げるかのように。

(相沢直)

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Candice Swanepoel 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Taylor Swift 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
Taylor Swift 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Model 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Model 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Adriana Lima 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Alessandra Ambrosio 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Joan Smalls 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Elsa Hosk 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
Elsa Hosk 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
Joan Smalls 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
Erin Heatherton 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
Erin Heatherton 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Model 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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Model 2013 Victorias Secret Fashion Show Runway, held at the Lexington Avenue Armory New York City, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11/13/13 © J Graylock/jpistudios.com 310-657-9661
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魅惑のセクシーボディ ケイト・アップトン【フォト集】
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!
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すっぴんでも美女は美女 セレブたちのプライベートフォト集
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!
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ミス・ユニバース2013【フォト集】
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!
Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo, from the United States, right, places the crown on Miss Venezuela Gabriela Isler during the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Universe 2013 Gabriela Isler, from Venezuela, center, waves after winning the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss India Manasi Moghe participates in the final of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Switzerland Dominique Rinerknecht participates in the final of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Great Britain Amy Willerton smiles while competing in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Brazil Jakelyne Oliveira, left, receives a bouquet of flowers before leaving the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. Gabriela Isler won the Miss Universe 2013 title. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Philippines Ariella Arida participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Venezuela Gabriela Isler participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. Gabriela Isler won the Miss Universe 2013 title. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Spain Patricia Yurena Rodriguez participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Spain Patricia Yurena Rodriguez participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Philippines Ariella Arida participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Brazil Jakelyne Oliveira participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Ecuador Constanza Baez, right, answers questions as she participates in the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013. At left is host Melanie Brown, or Mel B. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Ecuador Constanza Baez attends a rehearsal for a musical performance of the final of the 2013 Miss Universe competition in Moscow, Russia, on Tuesday, Nov. 5, 2013. Contestants will compete for the title of Miss Universe in Moscow on Nov. 9. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss USA 2012 and Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo taken a group picture with participants of Miss Universe 2013 during the preliminary competition of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Tuesday, Nov. 5, 2013. Beauties will compete for the title of Miss Universe in Moscow on Nov. 9. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss USA Erin Brady, center, and Miss Venezuela Gabriela Isler, first from right, present themselves during the preliminary competition of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Tuesday, Nov. 5, 2013. Beauties will compete for the title of Miss Universe in Moscow on Nov. 9. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
From left to right: Miss Mexico Cynthia Duque, Miss New Zealand Holly Cassidy, Miss South Africa Marilyn Ramos, Miss Panama Carolina Brid, Miss Curacao Eline de Pool, Miss Turks and Caicos Snwazna Adams, Miss Botswana Tsaone Macheng and Miss Thailand Chalita Yaemwannang take part in a rehearsal of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Thursday, Nov. 7, 2013. Beauties will compete for the title of Miss Universe in Moscow on Nov. 9. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
Miss Korea Yumi Kim, background left, Miss Ecuador Constanza Baez, center back to camera, prepare to take a part in a rehearsal of the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow, Russia, on Thursday, Nov. 7, 2013. Beauties will compete for the title of Miss Universe in Moscow on Nov. 9. (AP Photo/Pavel Golovkin)
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すっぴんでも美女は美女 セレブたちのプライベートフォト集
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!
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「一番くじ 太鼓の達人~日本一を目指すドン!~」フォトギャラリー
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美しい春の桜、花見を楽しむ日本人たち
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!

TOKYO, JAPAN - APRIL 07:  Japanese people enjoy the full bloom weekend of the cherry blossom trees, in an annual event known as 'sakura o-hanami', or 'cherry blossom viewing parties', on April 7, 2012 in Inokashira Park, in Tokyo, Japan. Inokashira Park has 460 cherry blossom trees and is one of the most popular spots in west Tokyo for enjoying the blossom.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  A woman takes a photograph of her pet dog beside the blooming cherry blossoms, at Sakuranomiya Park on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  A Japanese newly-wed couple have their wedding photographs taken under blossoming cherry blossoms at Osakajokoen on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  Cherry blossoms bloom beside the Osaka Castle on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  A woman takes a photograph of cherry blossom blooming in Sakuranomiya Park on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  People sit under cherry blossoms at Osakajokoen on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

OSAKA, JAPAN - APRIL 09:  People row a boat under cherry blossoms at Sakuranomiya Park on April 9, 2012 in Osaka, Japan.

TOKYO, JAPAN - APRIL 07:  Japanese people enjoy the full bloom weekend of the cherry blossom trees, in an annual event known as 'sakura o-hanami', or 'cherry blossom viewing parties', on April 7, 2012 in Inokashira Park, in Tokyo, Japan. Inokashira Park has 460 cherry blossom trees and is one of the most popular spots in west Tokyo for enjoying the blossom.

TOKYO, JAPAN - APRIL 07:  Japanese people enjoy the full bloom weekend of the cherry blossom trees, in an annual event known as 'sakura o-hanami', or 'cherry blossom viewing parties', on April 7, 2012 in Inokashira Park, in Tokyo, Japan. Inokashira Park has 460 cherry blossom trees and is one of the most popular spots in west Tokyo for enjoying the blossom.

TOKYO, JAPAN - APRIL 07:  Japanese people enjoy the full bloom weekend of the cherry blossom trees, in an annual event known as 'sakura o-hanami', or 'cherry blossom viewing parties', on April 7, 2012 in Inokashira Park, in Tokyo, Japan. Inokashira Park has 460 cherry blossom trees and is one of the most popular spots in west Tokyo for enjoying the blossom.

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beeTV 秋の美女祭り!【フォト集】
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映画『風俗行ったら人生変わったwww』フォトギャラリー
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【美女と妄想してみた。vol.3】 さとみは大女優!